I Don’t Know If I’ll Make It Home Tonight: The True Story Behind Porno For Pyros’ “Tahitian Moon”

Over the summer and fall of 2021, I wrote an oral history of Big Shiny Tunes, “the CD that defined a Canadian era.” One of my many interview subjects—among the staff members of MuchMusic (Canada’s answer to MTV) who created the compilation series, and the musical artists who were featured prominently within it—was Perry Farrell of Jane’s Addiction and Porno For Pyros.

Porno For Pyros’ classic 1996 hit “Tahitian Moon” was given a big boost in Canada with its prominent placement as the third song on the original Big Shiny Tunes album—which sold enough copies to earn 3x Platinum certification that same year. Naturally, that meant the song loomed large on the cable TV network as well. As a music-obsessed teenager growing up in Calgary in the ’90s, I remember loving seeing the “Tahitian Moon” video every time it came on. Perry’s penis-like haircut alone made it worth a watch, plus the song rocked!

When I spoke to Perry, it was August 6th, 2021—just days after his Lollapalooza music festival had returned to full capacity in Chicago, in the year following the first wave of pandemic lockdowns. Perry was loopy, but very generous with his time, and there wasn’t much I had to ask him about Big Shiny Tunes. Instead, when I asked him for the true story behind “Tahitian Moon,” he gave it to me like I was sitting next to him on a barstool, several pints or puffs deep and ready to share all the intimate details. Perry’s dramatic recounting was thrilling, deeply spiritual and hilarious—and it made me love the song even more.

I haven’t had a place to publish this story until now, but with the timing of Porno For Pyros announcing their final song, the moment felt right. Without further ado, take it away, Perry!

Perry Farrell: Back in the mid ‘90s, the band was doing a lot of surf trips to get inspiration. We would go to crazy places, like Tahiti and the Sumatran island chain. The Pornos were island hopping to get ocean energy. The surfing in Tahiti was great and gnarly. Reefs are always conducive to waves, because, basically, a wave is formed when a body of water is moving and it gets tripped by something like a shoreline or in this case a reef. We would paddle out to this break and surf a wave that was about half a mile out to sea.

One afternoon, my manager had gone in and I stayed out surfing for a while longer. When I got back to shore I went looking for him just to see what he was up to. Typically in the afternoons people would be taking a surf nap because it tires you out when you get back. You want to eat and then pass out. I checked the pool hall and the restaurant, but he wasn’t anywhere to be found. I didn’t know what happened to him and I started getting nervous. Surfers are concerned and we take care of each other. I didn’t know what the heck happened to him.

There was a little boat on the shore that had the name of the hotel on it. It wasn’t really a functional boat but more of an advertisement. It was old and the paint was chipping off, but I got a notion in my mind that I should row out there and look for my friend. It was impulsive and kind of foolhardy. What should have tipped me off that it wasn’t a functional boat was that it was kept together by inner tubes. They were wrapped around the boat near the hull.

The sun was starting to set and I started to panic even more that, maybe, he had gotten knocked unconscious by a surfboard and was still out there. I just started rowing in this boat without asking permission from anyone. I got all the way out there, and it was probably 8 or 8:30 PM at that point when the sun started to set. I thought to myself that I only had a limited time before it got dark.

Nobody was out there because everyone had come back to the shore. This is quite a miraculous story, and I do believe I was involved with a miracle. When I finally got out there to the break, the wind had come up, which is atypical of a normal day. Typically, at the end of the day, the wind dies down. Us surfers look forward to that because you can have some beautiful waves when the wind has calmed down. But the wind suddenly whipped up, and it startled me. I tried to turn the boat around after failing to locate my friend.

All of a sudden the boat split apart like ribs. I saw the boat become a ribcage. What do you do? For one or two more strokes, I tried to get back to the shore but I was quickly up to my knees in water. I thought to myself at that moment, “You’re fucked.”

I took the paddles and threw them out of the way, and the boat went down. It was like God and the spirits had blown the boat apart. The reason I threw the oars to the side is because I didn’t want to get caught in the undercurrent of the boat submerging. It would have pulled me down with it but I dove off to the side, too. I had been trying to row with the boat down to my knees, and then the next thing I knew I was swimming.

It was getting dark, and I was at least three quarters of a mile out to sea with no lights. I started to swim and thought to myself, “I can make it back. I’m pretty sure I can swim that far.” The problem was that, as it got darker, it was very hard to see the shore. There was also the issue of the tide coming at me and taking me out to sea. I thought to myself that this was how I was going to die.

Would I swim until I couldn’t swim anymore, like Eddie Aikau, a famous surfer who was lost at sea in a boating accident? He was trying to sail from Tahiti to Hawaii, but his boat capsized from bad weather. He took a surfboard and tried to paddle to get help, but was never seen or heard from again. The Hawaaian surf community will always honor him. Every year they hold a contest called The Eddie.

I was in the water, swimming underneath this beautiful moon, and started to relax. For a second, I thought I should probably just drown myself. Then I realized that’s not me. I don’t just quit and I wasn’t going to do it then. I decided to swim until I couldn’t swim anymore. I started to get nervous thinking that a shark could eat me, but it might be alright because it’s the cycle of life. There was a moment when I cried out to God. I literally cried out “God!” There was no answer. As a Jewish man, I’ll tell you that I cried out to Jesus next.

Suddenly, I saw a light sweeping across the water. It was a search committee. They had sent out a boat to rescue me. It was pitch black at that point but they were about a quarter of a mile away. I started to scream at them but they didn’t hear or see me. They went back to shore and started making preparations for my funeral and obituary. That’s how long I was out there. They organized a search committee that went out there and was unsuccessful.

At that point, I didn’t even know where the land was. I was just swimming and trying to enjoy my death, rather than panicking. I was doing a backstroke at the time. I looked over my shoulder, and it was as if I had gone through a timewarp. I saw the shore and was less than a quarter-mile away. I had been placed in the position to get back on the shore, when just five seconds before that I couldn’t see it. I’m forever thankful to Jesus Christ for saving my life. I am the first to testify to you that he saved me.

The next thing I had to do was get onto shore. I had placed on the part of the island that the surfers call Fool’s Gold. It looks like you can catch great waves over there, but it’s foolish because it’s just exposed rocks and reefs—so nobody surfs there. I knew that, but I was so tired that I said to myself, “Just do it.” I started swimming until a wave picked me up and dropped me. I took on what must have been 50-100 sharp stabs from sea urchin that were growing on the reef. When you hit them, they break off. They can grow into your body until you become a human aquarium. You have to pick them all out or immediately piss on them.

So there I was. I got hammered onto Fool’s Gold two or three times. Every time it happened, I screamed in pain. I finally got onto my feet on the shore and made my way back to the hotel. People couldn’t believe I was there because they thought I was dead. All of the men whipped out their cocks and pissed on me. Let me tell you, it felt pretty damn good.