Good morning Internet. Once again it is Monday in the world. The nightmare of last week has ended that the nightmare of this week may begin. Like the fabled Sisyphus, we have rolled our mighty boulder all the way to the top of the mountain, only to watch it roll inevitably back down: all our tweets tweeted, aggregated and forgotten, vanished to the fog of history. And yet, Camus says, we must imagine Sisyphus happy—after all, he didn’t have Twitter. Good times, back in time:
AHH YES THE SNAKE
NATURE’S HORRID TUBE
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) March 22, 2018
thinking about starting a podcast where we employ logic and reason to discuss the news of the day—with a dash of snark!!
— ????Insatiable Gun Taker???? (@crushingbort) March 21, 2018
REPORTER: What’s your blood like?
ZUCKERBERG: So, that’s actually a really important question. My blood is normal blood, it’s red, a deep human red, and it… you know, I could go on and on. But the key thing is that I have blood — gallons and gallons of it — and it’s normal.
— Vichy Thought Leader (@i_zzzzzz) March 22, 2018
locals after tweeting “am i the only one who loves watching documentaries on serial killers and conspiracy theories” for the 600th time pic.twitter.com/VPCEG51zJk
— ish (@ishjxh) March 21, 2018
Christ it is annoying when my parents need help on their failing farm. I always get there and theres a hunk with a toolbox whos like “I’m helping your parents now, with my tools” and I’m like “get out of here!” and then we do end up falling into a marriage. every spring with this
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) March 24, 2018
before twitter you had to subtweet your ex by living a fulfilling life and finding happiness and hoping they’d run into you at the grocery store and it’d be obvious
— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) March 24, 2018
FINAL SCENE OF BETTER CALL SAUL
Mike Ehrmantraut: Ive finally finished developing my cancer injection formula. Now to administer this to a school teacher that none of us know
Saul Goodman: Why? Are you crazy
Mike: I have a funny feeling it will lead us to a few more adventures…— SCHOOL (@earthdistance) March 25, 2018
I had a dream last night I read a Garfield strip that went like this. pic.twitter.com/2JhganZ8qV
— lemur (@lemurboy123) March 25, 2018
This is huge pic.twitter.com/UdGKEVxlJ7
— Mike Mitchell (@BDayBoysMitch) March 25, 2018
Trust me your going to want to see this pic.twitter.com/MANHTvVDjk
— Chiahak (@chiahak) March 23, 2018
NEWS: an enormous creature of immense power and fearsome rage has destroyed the town of Sheboygan michigan, leaving thousands dead in its wake
HEAVY DOT COM: The Sheboygan Creature: 5 Fast Facts You Need To Know
— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) March 24, 2018
1. Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol (2011)
2. Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation (2015)
3. Mission: Impossible (1996)
4. Mission: Impossible III (2006)
5. Mission: Impossible II (2000)
6. Citizen Kane (1941)
— Scott Aukerman (@ScottAukerman) March 24, 2018
star wars is fake. none of that stuff happened. same goes for everybody loves raymond, also fake.
— venmo $1 to bobbydollar (@bobby) March 23, 2018
scientist (shows me photo of a raccoon eating garbage): please identify the animal in this picture
me: big mood
scientist (to soldier): tase him again— leon (@leyawn) March 23, 2018
— mickey (@pepprcabbg) March 22, 2018
— Hot Take Appreciator (@IHateNYT) March 23, 2018
welcome to Shirts pic.twitter.com/LZ4s8GF4Fz
— Nicole Silverberg (@nsilverberg) March 23, 2018
FALCONER: He must not be able to hear me, or something.
FALCON: I can hear you fine, mate, I’m just not coming back. You see that gyre? The thing’s bloody widening! And by the looks of things the tide’s gone all blood-dimmed, I’m staying well clear.— Avery Edison (@aedison) March 22, 2018
Story to watch pic.twitter.com/9ci5TzO4Ti
— Brendan O’Hare (@brendohare) March 21, 2018
Age of Ultron was a meh movie but one moment was hilariously on point. Ultron achieves sentience, looks at the internet for 5 minutes, and concludes that humanity must be destroyed.
— Chris Pramas (@Pramas) March 19, 2018
Cambridge Analytica,
Andrew versus Cynthia,
Mueller keeps investigating,
Tronc is still disintegrating,
UMBC somehow won,
Every teacher gets a gun,
Campus inquisitions,
JEWS DID THE WEATHER????We didn’t start the fire????
— David Klion (@DavidKlion) March 19, 2018