In case you missed any of the highlights last week, here they are: Sean Hannity was Michael Cohen’s secret third client, also he’s a real estate mogul apparently, Kendrick Lamar won the Pulitzer, Barbara Bush died, Mitt Romney didn’t get the Utah Senate nomination, Elon Musk did something weird probably, I don’t know, Westworld returned for another season of being terrible, Trump’s apparently been calling Sessions and Rosenstein “Mr. Magoo” and “Mr. Peepers,” respectively, good things appear to be happening on the North Korea front, and God of War came out. It’s fun! But I’m an assistant comedy editor, not an assistant games editor, so that’s all I’ll say about that. And now the tweets everyone’s clamoring to see:
God has abandoned us pic.twitter.com/PLKXunhInE
— Arf ???????? (@arfsama) April 21, 2018
Every morning pic.twitter.com/KTRJcX6Huu
— The New Tom Peyer (@tompeyer) April 22, 2018
Laconic understatement at its finest (letter in the current LRB) pic.twitter.com/pQyiqspSjS
— Robert Harris (@Robert___Harris) April 20, 2018
This is the new meme format I’m sure of it pic.twitter.com/SOHkkKV09v
— Joseph Carnegie (@JoeCarnegie) April 21, 2018
INTERVIEWER: Where did you get the idea for “Chewbacca”?
GEORGE LUCAS: Well, that’s an interesting story. I was sitting in a, in my chair, one day, and I thought: What if there was a, sort of a, disgusting, sort of, dog man, in a spaceship? And I, I created this awful creature.
— Vichy Thought Leader (@i_zzzzzz) April 20, 2018
chasing dreams on a friday night pic.twitter.com/ptgEdHlzZ3
— Homme DeCor (@corypalmer) April 21, 2018
Church is just a live podcast that sucks
— Jake Flores (@feraljokes) April 21, 2018
The first time I ever smoked weed was at a musical festival while Billy Idol was on stage. He was wearing a leather vest instead of a shirt and he kept taking it off and putting it back on, to wild applause each time. It was the worst day of my life.
— Tommy McNamara (@TommyMcNam) April 20, 2018
Looking for someone to edit the first scene in A Quiet Place where the kid turns on the toy rocket and the monster runs out but instead of the monster it’s a second John Krasinski
— cory snearowski (@corysnearowski) April 20, 2018
You: Die, bitch.
Me, offended but eager to please: pic.twitter.com/tWcITMkYVv— Hannah Murphy (@dumb_hannah) April 20, 2018
I love that Donald Trump has like, 3 loser friends and he just keeps giving them jobs. He’s like the Adam Sandler of presidents. https://t.co/21Pw0lQKzb
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) April 19, 2018
wasn’t really a fan of last night’s Riverdale when Archie talked to Comey about his new book
— Michelle Spies (@spies_please) April 19, 2018
As a New Yorker, I am a bodega sandwich. I am a subway rat. I am a goat cheese wheel from Murray’s. I am a saw mill in Albany. I am the Corning glass museum. I am lichen on the gorges of Ithaca. I am an incomprehensible New School philosophy thesis. I am a Martin Scorsese movie. https://t.co/tgPL9jq6dK
— Talia Lavin (@chick_in_kiev) April 19, 2018
— nao (@NOTLEVlOSA) April 17, 2018
Even George Orwell could not have predicted a future as nightmarish as this… pic.twitter.com/5vf9iWMJCF
— Brendan O’Hare (@brendohare) April 18, 2018
Was just closing tabs in Chrome on my phone and uh pic.twitter.com/bZR5HVXSis
— those balenciagas, the ones that look like socks (@emilyhughes) April 17, 2018
Facebook is fucking wild. pic.twitter.com/JZ3Klsu7Im
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) April 18, 2018
Mad Men was great and all, but I’m a huge fan of Jon Hamm’s second career popping into whatever comedy shoots near his house so he can play one of the dumbest people ever to live.
— Kaleb Horton (@kalebhorton) April 18, 2018
Thats awesome to hear. Good for them pic.twitter.com/eQ2WPIfckq
— Nick Ciarelli (@nickciarelli) April 18, 2018
she died as she lived—owning jeb https://t.co/43APfudnIf
— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) April 18, 2018
Been reading that Jordan Peterson book, and to give you a taste of his prose style, he refers to Homer Simpson as “the infamous father of the Simpson clan”.
— Sandra Newman (@sannewman) April 18, 2018
running out of names for stuff huh pic.twitter.com/IOotZ50c5L
— matt ???? lubchansky (@Lubchansky) April 17, 2018
— Jake Flores (@feraljokes) April 17, 2018
— Zach Dunn (@ZachBDunn) April 17, 2018
The new season of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee has taken a turn. pic.twitter.com/qIsyqFUKLZ
— A Jason Tabrys (@jtabrys) April 16, 2018
what stage of capitalism is this pic.twitter.com/0RtStV78vm
— Paulie Doyle (@BigPaulieDoyle) April 16, 2018
Retracting my earlier, incorrect statement that the Pulitzer Prize for Music is awarded to “a recording that solved a crime or mystery, directly led to the solving of a crime or mystery, or was about an attempt to solve a crime or mystery.” I was thinking of the Podcast Pulitzer.
— Rob Wesley (@eastwes) April 16, 2018
I’ve found the 18th century equivalent to the distracted boyfriend meme pic.twitter.com/QDKjygVDcr
— big sue (@ELXGANZA) April 16, 2018
having you tube intellectuals explain to me how exactly humpty dumpty fucked up , and why he deserves to die
— wint (@dril) April 22, 2018
this is what screenwriters call “inevitable but unexpected” https://t.co/2EqGNR0vDE
— Adam H. Johnson (@adamjohnsonNYC) April 16, 2018