A Brief History of Easy Cheese

It is a weekday night and I am on YouTube, watching another great invention of the 21st century, the 3D printer, squeeze out a conical structure from a can of Easy Cheese. The can is upside-down, expelling an orange silly string from its plastic nozzle with a precision only possible via the sort of futuristic, but so very real, technology that has also been responsible for creating prosthetic limbs for amputees and new skin cells for burn victims.
Three-quarters of the way to the top of the Leaning Tower of “Cheeza”, a malfunction occurs that turns the spiraling cheese structure into a pile of goop. “Innovation at its purest form,” one YouTube user jests in the video’s comments section. “Try with ketchup,” another user adds.
Though I admit to watching this video more times than I can count, I can’t help but wonder about America’s original cheese-in-a-can, the fluorescent dairy sludge that every other country with a respectable cheese history undoubtedly judges us harshly for.
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