5 Websites To Visit Before You Die

By Grant Pardee  |  March 31, 2016 | 12:01pm
Comedy Lists
5 Websites To Visit Before You Die

There are a lot of breathtaking websites besides PasteMagazine.com haha no but seriously and if you’ve never ventured elsewhere on the Internet, you might be missing out on some life-altering experiences. Sure, it might be tempting to stay within your comfort zone and never “surf the net” but someday you’re going to die, possibly in a horrible way you could’ve never foreseen.

Don’t let your mortality frighten you, use it to live your best life. Now get out there and see the world wide web!

Twitter.com
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Twitter.com is an Internet website that allows you to send “tweets” to the public, completely for free. If you tweet something people like they “retweet” you and you gain “followers” which are people who turn into numbers. There are many other great features including “avatar” and “@ replies” a service that allows strangers to harass you. If you’re looking for a way to connect with friends, keep up with trends, and see the world through a new lens, then wowie zowie is Twitter.com the website for you.

Google.com
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Have you ever heard the phrase “hey asshole, why don’t you just Google that?” Turns out it’s referring to an actual website called Google.com. I love this website because it is like the phone book for the Internet. You can look up anything, I mean you name it: pizza parlors, Chinese food restaurants, even facts about airplanes. If you sign up for a profile, you can tell it your name and give it your picture, then you’ll officially be friends with Google.com.

Amazon.com
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Amazon.com is like the Target Superstore of the Internet, I mean these guys have everything. All you need to do is type in your shopping fantasy and the website makes it come true. Once I had a fantasy that all of life was a dream and in the dream I could do anything I wanted. Well, it turned out all I wanted to do was buy Tide pods to use in the laundry. I’m happy to report Amazon.com made that dream come true.

Facebook.com
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Facebook.com is one of my favorite websites to check while I’m driving. It’s a ‘site that permanently connects you with every person you’ve ever met and has a little something for everyone. You can share photos, create events, and even post updates about your status in the world. Be careful, though, Internetting while driving is technically illegal. But hey, what’s life without breaking the rules once in awhile?

Orbitz.com
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Orbitz.com is a very fine website that allows you to look at travel accommodations for vacations. You can purchase tickets for flights to cities like Atlanta, Philadelphia, Columbus, even New York. It’s fun to choose a destination and a date, you can do it all for free if you perform a “lifehack” and never complete the purchase. Instead, just look at photographs of your destination on Google.com (see above). Why would I want to be anywhere other than online?

Grant Pardee is a comedian you can follow on Twitter.com

 
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