The Funniest Tweets about the Democratic Debate
Photo courtesy of Getty Images
Okay, yes: this isn’t the most timely content you’ll read tonight. The most recent Democratic debate wrapped up over 24 hours ago, which, in this age of Trump, means there’s been like 15 major breaking news stories since then. (Seriously, the look on Trump’s face in that photo of Nancy Pelosi dressing him down in that meltdown meeting today is funnier than any of these tweets.) I was too busy getting absolutely hammered at the Star Wars bar at Disneyland to actually watch the debate, much less embed tweets about it (thanks again, cantina bartender who kept me pickled in Jet Juices all night). Still, I have a job to do, so sure, let’s do it. Last night’s debate seemed to highlight the gulf between Sanders and Warren and every other candidate, with the endless squabbling over how to fund Medicare for All the focus of most of the chatter. As a 10-year veteran of the insurance industry, let me tell you from experience that it basically needs to be razed and the earth it once stood on thoroughly salted. There are only two legitimate candidates at this point in the game, and I think I speak for most of America when I say that I wish they’d just go ahead and get married already. Even though they’re already married. I dunno, they can figure that out.
Hey, here are the tweets. If you like ‘em go follow the tweeters what tweeted ‘em.
Mayor Pete: Elizabeth Warren never says HOW she will pay for Medicare for all!
Elizabeth Warren: Taxing the rich.
Pete: You NEVER say how!
Bernie: I wrote it. We’ll pay it with taxes. Instead of out of pocket.
Klobochar: But HOW will we PAY for it?— “Ian” Abramson (@ianabramson) October 16, 2019
The heart attack has only made Bernie stronger. At the end of this debate he’s going to levitate off stage for a few seconds before blasting into space and reversing the earth’s orbit Superman-style
— Erin tough guy/fool Ryan (@morninggloria) October 16, 2019
Bernie had a heart attack because he’s legitimately outraged at our broken system. Any other candidate that hasn’t at least had a stroke clearly doesn’t give a shit about you or me.
— Samityville Horror (@SamGrittner) October 16, 2019
I will listen to Bernie about healthcare because he was the last candidate who was in the hospital. #DemDebate
— Jamie Kilstein (@jamiekilstein) October 16, 2019
Bernie noooooo pic.twitter.com/x2hATq9oUC
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) October 16, 2019
JOE BIDEN: My family will continue the proud American tradition of nepotism and winking at any and I mean ANY gal that wears a waitress’s uniform
— Samityville Horror (@SamGrittner) October 16, 2019
Strongest #DemDebate moment was easily when Joe Biden came out dressed as Santa Claus but the bag had “socialism” written on it and then he said, “Too bad I’m not real!” and laughed, removing the hat to shake some hands in the front row.
— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) October 16, 2019
Missed the debate. Did anyone address how we’re gonna stop that goose
— Jensen Karp (@JensenKarp) October 16, 2019
Instead of watching the debate I got drunk and watched pro wrestling and I feel like my experience was way more genuine.
— Tronald Dump (@ChrisCubas) October 16, 2019
Kinda miss the republican debates where they insulted eachother’s dads and described their dicks.
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) October 16, 2019
You know how Tony Soprano after he got shot needed to prove he was strong again because everyone was sort of low-key disrespecting him, so he beat up that muscle-head dude and then puked blood in the bathroom? Bernie needs to do that to Booker tonight.
— Shane Ryan (@ShaneRyanHere) October 15, 2019
Warren had better say her surprising friend is a strapping 24-year-old Marine.
— Jennifer Bendery (@jbendery) October 16, 2019
There are millions of Americans watching the debate holding pennants that say “MY INSURANCE COMPANY” and pumping their fists every time a candidate sticks up for insurance companies
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) October 16, 2019
Pete Buttigieg cooking up bold, new policy ideas that will help normal working people. pic.twitter.com/fzUh7KPGsJ
— Zach O’Lantern (@zachheltzel) October 16, 2019
I found most of the candidates on the debate stage tonight very relatable because I’m not going to be the Democratic nominee for President either.
— Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) October 16, 2019
Have Elizabeth warren and Bernie Sanders ever high fived? I’d like to see that as a voter.
— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) October 16, 2019
Thought it was messed up when Pete told Liz Warren she’s not his mom and she never will be.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) October 16, 2019
Let’s shake this whole thing up and just throw out all the rules and elect all 12 candidates to each be president for one month a year for four years.
“Sanders September is coming and I can finally get this lump checked with my 30 days of free health care!”#DemDebate
— Travon Free (@Travon) October 16, 2019
I want to see Bernie Sanders drive his anti-billionaires point home by running over and eating Tom Steyer. #DemocraticDebate
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) October 16, 2019
no mention of needing “more gamers” from Sanders. huge gaffe imo
— Gideon Resnick (@GideonResnick) October 16, 2019
the update on my mom is yesterday i asked her who she would vote for in the democratic primaries if she could and she thought about it for a second and then just said, “Susan.”
(she meant Elizabeth Warren, whose name is hereupon: “Susan.”)
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) October 16, 2019
they printed a special newspaper for Biden to read saying he did a real good job at the debate tonight so that he wouldn’t be too agitated before bed and forget how to use his sleep number mattress
— Bris Angel (@Cryptoterra) October 16, 2019
“Sen. Warren, you have a plan for everything but what on God’s green Earth can you do with Tulsi, please respond.”
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) October 16, 2019
“Senator Warren, we need a straightforward answer: Is that a cream blush or have you layered a little moisturizer over a powder to achieve this ‘dewey’ glow?”
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) October 16, 2019
ANCHOR: “How do you feel about taxing the rich?”
BERNIE: “Good! Nobody should be a billionaire!”
WARREN: “Alright! Let’s fund education!”
BIDEN: “Clarence Thomas and I had this idea back in the ‘80s that we don’t tax poors who can survive one night of being hunted by us”
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) October 16, 2019
I think Joe Biden’s performance in the debate tonight makes him the clear front-runner to win the 1952 Democratic nomination.
— Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) October 16, 2019
whoever told warren to answer yes/no tax questions with clinton deposition greatest hits should be thrown in a river
— Lupus Haas (@Mobute) October 16, 2019
If the candidate most attacked during a debate is actually the front-runner then the kids in my middle school must have been deathly afraid of my success
— Adam Cayton-Holland (@CaytonHolland) October 16, 2019
I’m a Warren or Sanders person depending on which white liberal I want to stop talking to me.
— Solomon Georgio (@solomongeorgio) October 17, 2019