The Funniest Mueller Hearing Tweets (Updated)
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Robert Mueller, the special counsel of the investigation into Donald Trump’s election campaign and relationship with Russia, is in the hot seat at Congress today. The former FBI director will be getting grilled by both parties over the course of two sessions, one of which has already wrapped up. If all you know about this hearing comes from cable news, you probably think it’s been a disaster for the side hoping to bring Trump to justice; at least that’s how every political pundit on every TV network seems to be spinning it, from the blatantly partisan and pro-Trump Fox News, to the supposedly more centrist and impartial folks at CNN, along with print journalists all the way up to the New York Times. Apparently Mueller reiterating in front of Congress that he was not able to exonerate Trump, that there was evidence of obstruction, that the only reason he didn’t recommend prosecuting the President is because of laws preventing a sitting president from being prosecuted, is all less important than the sleepy, foggy impression Mueller gave off while doing so. Optics are king with the fact-free, surface-level political analysts of today, which is the very reason Trump was able to get elected in the first place. Yes: these people are fools and should be ignored, not just the Hannitys of the world but the Chuck Todds as well.
Don’t let these power-polishing nerds influence you. Instead of watching their coverage and listening to their nonsense, fire up the hearings on C-SPAN and watch ‘em with Twitter open on your device of choice. Not to read what professional political hangers-on have to say about the whole thing, but to read tweets like the ones below, the smart and funny ones that treat Trump, the GOP, and the media that carries their water with the exact level of disrespect they deserve. These tweets are good: dig ‘em.
Updated: Here’s a second round of good tweets from Mueller’s second round of hearings.
the Mueller Hearings feels like watching Wheel of Fortune where the puzzle is completely solved but contestants keep guessing letters
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) July 24, 2019
Wait one of the Russia meetings took place at “666 5th Avenue”?? The writers for our current reality really are getting lazy. #MuellerHearings
— Alise Morales (@AliseNavidad) July 24, 2019
Mr Mueller, am i correct in stating that those small pinched cat-eye sunglasses that everybody is wearing now do not look good on anybody, not even Gigi Hadid? You are under oath sir
— Erin im (impeach! get it?) Ryan (@morninggloria) July 24, 2019
Most Americans didn’t read the full report which is why it was so important to have Mueller go on tv and personally not answer any questions about it.
— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) July 24, 2019
On a scale of 1 to 10, I would rate Robert Mueller’s performance today as a solid WHO GIVES A SHIT. pic.twitter.com/L9iPOXsIAx
— Jarrett Bellini (@JarrettBellini) July 24, 2019
Watching Mueller talk about his report was like watching David Lynch get interviewed about his movies.
— Jonah Ray Rodrigues (@jonahray) July 24, 2019
Mueller: Russia interfered in our election but there’s insufficient proof that Trump colluded and he is definitely not exonerated.
Republicans: Checkmate, libs!
Mueller: But I just said that a foreign power hacked our…
GOP: AND WE JUST SAID CHECKMATE LIBS!
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 24, 2019
when you forgot to study so you try to speed read the sparknotes before the exam pic.twitter.com/Qx7BNXO10a
— jordan (@JordanUhl) July 24, 2019
I’d like to hear podcast interview where a dude standup tries to bond w/ Mueller about their times coming up & is met w/ nothing.
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) July 24, 2019
MUELLER: Here is a mountain of evidence laid out in painstaking detail showing how the President committed crimes then committed more crimes trying to cover those crimes and obviously should be impeached.
THE ENTIRE US MEDIA: But how did it look on TELEVISION?
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) July 24, 2019
People are watching the Mueller testimony like they expect him to whip out an iPad video of his kids catching Trump do treason
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) July 24, 2019
We can literally solve all of this if @PizzaHut just gives everyone who reads the Mueller Report a coupon for a free personal pan pizza.
— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) July 24, 2019
reading the Mueller Report vs. watching Mueller say “it’s in the Report” on TV pic.twitter.com/FvKRj1oOuU
— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) July 24, 2019
EVERY GOP CONGRESSMAN: Mr. Mueller…Are you familiar with Comet Ping Pong, a so-called “pizza restaurant” in Washington D.C.?
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) July 24, 2019
I’m furious nobody asked Robert Mueller his opinions on Rush’s synth-heavy 80’s material and whether it is comparable to their 70’s prog epics.
— Dumb Idiot Riley Fox (@riley_fox) July 24, 2019
If a man doesn’t interrupt a woman is it even a real hearing? #MuellerHearings
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 24, 2019
Well, Jim Jordan is up.
Let’s extend him the same courtesy he extended to the wrestlers at Ohio State and ignore him.#MuellerHearing
— Nick Jack Pappas (@Pappiness) July 24, 2019
No matter what happens today, Trump will declare it a victory. It’s what he does. If Trump were a basketball player, he’d foul all the time ignore all the whistles and declare himself the MVP. If he were playing monopoly he’d spend the whole game blatantly raiding the bank.
— Erin Ryan (@morninggloria) July 24, 2019
The look of this questioning from a party that doesn’t care what it looks like is a bad look and could cost them with lookers. cashes $200k check
— Lupus Haas (@Mobute) July 24, 2019
Every single day Chuck wakes up in whatever multi-million dollar dream house he lives in and says to himself Ahh fuuuuck I hope I don’t jack off at work today and then he goes and does it anyway. It’s a sort of hell. https://t.co/SQAgmNGF14
— luke oneil (@lukeoneil47) July 24, 2019
We’re finally getting somewhere pic.twitter.com/gFNvpy3ezw
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) July 24, 2019
not sure robert mueller is going to get custody of celeste’s children
— Sopan Deb (@SopanDeb) July 24, 2019
total* exoneration
*exoneration pictured on packaging has been enhanced to show texture, actual exoneration may differ https://t.co/KL3rwzlOiX
— kilgore trout’s mom (@KT_So_It_Goes) July 24, 2019
you spelled Mueller differently three times in one tweet https://t.co/KggtAQBVjj
— danny (@dabbs346) July 24, 2019
an exhausted professor mueller discovers nobody did the assigned reading pic.twitter.com/8t7J9rcaNR
— David Mack (@davidmackau) July 24, 2019
REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN: Mr. Mueller, sir. Sean Hannity. Fox News. Peter Strzok. Lisa Page. Text messages. President Trump, so strong and handsome. Sean Hannity, my good friend. The Steele dossier. Our strong president. Fusion GPS. Hannity.
MUELLER: Can you repeat the question?
— Eric (@toomanyerics) July 24, 2019
shorter GOP during #MuellerHearings
“Mr Mueller comment on this thing I saw on Hannity”
“What?”
“It was on Hannity. With a graphic and everything. Something about Hillary.”
“I have no idea what you’re saying.”
“Hillary! Hannity! Fox News Alert!”
Mueller walks off
— Oliver Willis (@owillis) July 24, 2019
Keep in mind that Rep. Doug Collins and Ratcliff’s jobs are not to actually ask questions, but to provide clips for FOX News to air so their audience will continue to support the game show host who cut Rupert Murdoch’s taxes.
— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) July 24, 2019
Mueller came across this morning tired and hard of hearing. So I guess @realDonaldTrump isn’t guilty of obstruction of justice.
— Medicare For All (@David_Feldman_) July 24, 2019
I like to think that after they were banned from twitter the Krassensteins lost interest in politics completely. The Mueller stuff is playing in the background of the tanning salon in the Midwest they opened together, but they’re not paying attention to it.
— Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) July 24, 2019
My main takeaway from this hearing is this picture is way funnier than it was before. pic.twitter.com/GE1Bie9PVi
— Zach Heltzel (@zachheltzel) July 24, 2019
Ben Cline spent his entire time talking about Hillary’s emails, so congratulations to him for surviving being cryogenically frozen in 2016 and defrosted for this hearing.#MuellerHearing
— Nick Jack Pappas (@Pappiness) July 24, 2019
congressmen missed a big opportunity to have an aide hold this painting up at the hearing pic.twitter.com/K5ixnSRNPx
— Brian Tashman (@briantashman) July 24, 2019
This Mueller hearing will be much more exciting when it’s James Cromwell doing it
— Jensen Karp (@JensenKarp) July 24, 2019
“It was not a witch hunt” Mueller told Congress. “Witches are badass women with cool powers” he continued.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 24, 2019