Every Transformers Movie, Ranked

What is a movie—a series of machine-produced images imitating life—if not a robot in disguise? It’s only natural that folding toys would come to the big screen as massive blockbusters, painstakingly rendered alongside the real-world havoc they would inevitably wreak. Right? Well, the toy companies and the film studios seem to think so, because even after Michael Bay’s franchise came mercifully to an end, they’re still putting out more Transformers movies. Transformers One is in theaters now.
Aside from two—the original and latest—all the Transformers feature films have been directed by that mastermind of mayhem, Michael Bay. If you want to see how those mechanical monstrosities compare to the movies where Michael Bay focuses (as much as he can, anyways) on humanity, our complete ranking of Bay films can be found here. But for those pure Has-bros, we looked at all the Transformers films, from before Bay’s time—with the 1986 animated film—to directly after—with the Spielberg-influenced Bumblebee—in order to come up with a definitive ranking.
Here is every Transformers movie, ranked:
9. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Even though this bloated franchise is still an inexplicably and depressingly popular box-office behemoth, it also feeds on Bay’s worse impulses as a blockbuster helmer. Awash in crude grade school humor, nonsensical scripts haphazardly glued together with gobbledygook sci-fi mythology, action that’s impossible to decipher thanks to an overuse of rapid-fire cutting and extreme close-up shaky-cam, bland cardboard characters that make it hard to give an iota of crap regarding who wins during said action, and an astoundingly shameless kowtowing to the gods of product placement, these films are the go-to examples for anyone trying to point out what’s wrong with big budget filmmaking these days—and with good reason. The second film in the franchise, the interminably abrasive and astoundingly mean-spirited Revenge of the Fallen belongs on the bottom of the list, not just because it doesn’t have a single redeemable quality while clearly being the most cynically constructed of the bunch, but also because it’s irredeemably and shockingly racist. Bay loves to fill his films with crude racial stereotypes as placeholders for comic relief. It’s damn near impossible to pop in a Bay flick and not come across a fat, sassy Black woman or an awkward and timid Middle Eastern or Indian character who goes “comically” apeshit during the final battle. As much as I can’t stand Bay’s willingness to keep going back to such obvious and ugly attempts at humor, I usually chalk this up to his thoughtless meathead sensibilities that sees making fun of women, nerds, LGBTQ people, and minorities as being funny in and of itself, instead of coming from a place of downright ugly racial prejudice. This line is summarily crossed with the inclusion of Mudflap and Skids, a duo of minstrel show characters, complete with whiny “ghetto talk,” gold teeth and chains, as well as any awful African American stereotype you can think of. Revenge of the Fallen is already as annoying as the rest of the series, but the inclusion of these characters makes it an infuriating experience.—Oktay Ege Kozak
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