It’s the Archer Quote-down!: Lana Kane

By Scott Wold  |  January 11, 2014 | 10:51pm
TV Lists

Despite being the best agent at ISIS by an entire lap, the long-suffering Lana Kane has little choice but to endure not only two obnoxious ex-lovers at work (Sterling Archer and Cyril Figgis), but the indignity of bald-faced favoritism shown by her boss, Malory, toward her son, Sterling. Plus, most of the time, it seems like the rest of her coworkers at ISIS won’t be satisfied until they permanently drag her down to their level of persistent unprofessionalism. All it might take is one more crack about her “monster hands.”

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5. “Who’re you supposed to be, Topper Bottoms, stern yet sensual skipper of the USS Rough Service?”
Her best opportunities for getting good digs in on Archer tend to revolve around his poor disguise choices.

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4. “Do you really want to open this can of trust-breachy worms right after I just caught you and my ex-boyfriend with a dead hooker in the trunk?”
Cyril. Just stop talking, buddy.

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3. “It’s like my heart is being gripped by the icy fingers of some terrifying ghost of honeymoon future.”
Going undercover with Archer posing as newlyweds was bound to trigger some existential dread.

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2. “With your looks, maybe ‘bitchy’ isn’t the way to go.”
One of the crew on the space station Horizon learns copping an attitude with Lana when she’s been forced to engage in firefights while in nothing but her skivvies earns you one of her deeper cuts.

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1. “If you want to know why Archer is Archer, you need to go back in time and have a threesome with Oedipus and Sigmund Freud.”
Lana can’t change her past with Archer, but she can at least try to help other women. Deep down, she has a heart bigger than her monster-y hands.

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