Sterling Archer, the world’s most dangerous spy … when he’s not actively jeopardizing his missions with his near-constant drinking, womanizing and purposeful irritating of Lana.
10. “Sorry, that’s just a sympathy boner.”
Archer doesn’t have much practice acting like a gentleman, so when becomes necessary, he’s generally left a bit … exposed.
9. “Does Internet porn know you’re cheating on it?”
Cyril’s self-made humiliation is never enough for Archer, even though it’s shooting nerdy, insecure fish in a barrel.
8. “I bet I won’t even be able to eat spaghetti and meatballs ever again. Oh god, I could eat. Not necessarily spaghetti and meatballs, but not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs. I mean, I really like spaghetti and meatballs. …Man, if I don’t get some spaghetti and meatballs in me, I might literally die.”
Like in everything else, once Archer gets an idea in his head, he cannot be moved. Food is, fortunately, one of the least crisis-causing ones.
7. “You killed a black astronaut, Cyril! That’s like killing a unicorn!”
Archer is constantly dealing brutal death, but Cyril went too far.
6. “Are you kidding? Dude. Bros before apparent threats to national security.”
Priorities and friendship are important, particularly for covert secret agents.
5. “Big whoop. I’m spooning a Barrett .50-cal. I could kill a building.”
Two parts never taking missions seriously, one part tremendously powerful weaponry. It’s a deadly cocktail he would drink if he could.
4. “I can’t hear you over the sound of my giant, throbbing erection!”
Meeting his childhood hero, Burt Reynolds, and tearing across New York City in a high-speed chase means he’s happy to see you.
3. “Those cannot be your only shoes. What am I saying? It’s Russia. People probably come from miles around just to get their picture taken in those.”
In Archer’s setting, the Cold War never really ended. The agents of ISIS drop in and out of Russia often, and Archer never feels compelled to make a good impression— unless you count knuckle prints and bullet holes.
2. “For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.”
Archer typically has little use for religion, given his questionable lifestyle choices. But sometimes those questionable choices take on aspects of holy importance.
1. “Something, something, danger zone! I know. I’m not even trying anymore.”
Archer can only let himself down when it comes to annoying Lana at this point. There’s nowhere else to go from the top.